An intersectional conversation
Originally published by Focus Magazine
On a Tuesday evening at Multicultural Tauranga, a diverse group of six women answered my call from the last article to share their intersectionality. What began as a plan to facilitate a conversation around diversity and intersectionality, naturally morphed into an immersive experience and a vibrant intersectional conversation between seven women.
The diverse group comprised two Indians (Prathima and Premila), a German-South African (Ingrid), a Korean (Jungeun), two Filipinas (Shirely and Yolanda) and an Indian/Chinese/Sri Lankan (me). The conversation weaved its way from discussing the evolution of personal values in our current reality, co-existing harmoniously in diverse relationships, raising children in a new country, and navigating differences when living in a new country.
Whilst some of the women were from the same countries – some even from the same regions – their lived experiences and worldviews were starkly different. Some of the women shared similar values and worldviews, despite being from different continents, as was seen when Ingrid said, “If we had not had this conversation, I wouldn’t have known that [Prathima and I] shared the same values. If I needed to move, I would move to her neighbourhood.”
As we all know, our values and perspectives are influenced by our upbringing and lived experiences. It was enlightening to hear the generational differences in perspectives these women had with their parents and now, with their children. As society evolves, some of the women have rejected their past exposure in their youth to construct a different reality for themselves in their marriages, their children’s upbringing, their relationships, and worldviews. Some were negotiating their second- generation bias and implicit guilt of moving with societal evolution and maintaining the values rooted in their predispositions, whilst some continued to balance their upbringing with the changes around them.
All the women shared of their responsibilities and their privileges in shaping their children’s identities, and the similarities and differences in their experiences. They were all in different phases of parenting with children of different ages and genders, making it a safe setting to ask irking questions, learn from each other’s experiences, discover each other’s views, and understand subsequent consequences from decisions. As we unpacked some of their children’s choices and other young people’s decisions, the discussion meandered into our versions of womanhood. We ventured into appreciating many women having greater freedom and independence now than during their youth. Many are now able to make financial and lifelong choices that help them to pursue their own careers and dreams. This has influenced some of the choices their daughters and sons are making with their respective partners, which might not be similarly aligned with the women’s personal choices but is evidence of the continuous differences the women are always navigating.
With any discussion of womanhood, personal relationships are divulged, as they shape and influence our womanhood and, in turn, influence the way we engage in a relationship. Some of the women were in interracial marriages and some were married to men of the same ethnicities, yet there were similarities and differences across the board. The ultimate consensus is that we bring our own intersectionality into our relationships. Being in a relationship with another human and raising a human conjointly requires us to not only explore and understand our intersectionality – all the parts of us and experiences that make us who we are – but also share our intersectionality with our partners and understand theirs. As Jungeun questions in the context of raising a child in a diverse home and living in a new country, “How much of my identity do I share with my son?” Our intersectionality imprints on all our different relationships – work, intimate, friends, children etc – hence, it is not only important to understand the concept but to do identity work ourselves to understand who we are, and to have these conversations to progress diversity and inclusion.
It was a privilege to sit with these women and experience an inspiring intersectional conversation. Each of them moved to Aotearoa for varied reasons, from escaping danger to wanting a new adventure for their family. Ultimately, they decided to give their family some form of change and, inadvertently, enriched New Zealand society with their diversity. Whilst this article summarises the evening we had and highlights only some of the topics discussed, the conversation was at times controversial but the bravery and the challenge to learn overcame any discomfort. Some views were shifted, and being confronted by different perspectives brought us all closer, epitomising the importance of being surrounded by diversity and of course, amplifying women’s voices.